I have never done so much belaying in my life before. I have also not done belaying till I flew off the ground. All these happened today though.. Haha.. Went to conduct some adventure learning programme for the GLs. Thankfully the weather wasn't that hot. It was just terribly humid. My arms are aching like crazy now. To think about it I have belayed about 30++ people today. Oh, and I must mention, all sizes. So much so that I even got lifted off the ground. Well, although once or twice my sub-belayers played a trick on me; instead of pulling me down, they lifted me up... Well.. It was fun though. I am not feeling well though.. Think I have caught a cold.. Well actually got a cold since 3 days ago.. Might be developing a cough too.. The chesty type... Haiz.. Poor body of mine. Some of the GLs this year were also my fellow GLs back in year 1. A few of them mentioned that I have been MIA for so long and have not seen me. Well.. I think to a certain extend, I sort of disappear after my very active involvement in school activities in year 1. Year 2 and 3 in poly was more like for study and minimal participation in other activities. Things I sacrifice for the sake of better grades. I think they are more amazed like why did I suddenly appear 'online' again, but this time round as the main committee for orientation. Haha.. I find it weird too.. I did, coz of a favor for my friends... That's why... I think I am blabbering a lot.. Incoherent thoughts too.. Perhaps I am too sick and tired... Shall head to bed...

I am amazed at how my mood can change from joyous one moment and depressed the next. I think I finally understand why Huiz could not forget a particular 'C'. Well... I myself could not forget what I have once shared with another 'C' too. I just cannot let it go. I think I should hate myself for that. Whenever I see him, my train of thoughts go bizzare. It has been so long, this unfinished business of ours, but I still very uncomfortable and uneasy talking to him. I am totally hopeless... I have always tell myself that I should just forget about this matter completely. I should just learn to accept the fact that the reality is as real as it is and nothing ever changes just because I hope it will. I should not hold on to something that,that is not worth the wait anymore. Come to think about it, I am not waiting. I am just contemplating, reflecting, mulling over, whatever... Huiz have told me over and over again that he is a jerk and he is not worth me thinking anymore. Honestly? I tried my best. However, it just comes to me whenever I see him.. I am such a useless person. Boy problem. Not exactly. It is not easy to find someone I like. I have not had this feeling for quite sometime. He was almost my light.. An enlightment that I can still care for someone. I am not positive about the prospect of relationships anymore. Did I mention that this unfinished business happened more than 2 years ago?

I hate it when I get emotional.

Time sure passes quickly. So fast that there is hardly time left for us to catch our breath before proceeding to another activity. Every single thing seems to be rushing to come next in line. Last Thursday was an enjoyable day for me. Besides hanging out with my secondary friends at Sentosa in the morning, I went for dinner with my primary school mates whom I have not met for an extremely long time. Meeting both my secondary school and primary school friends on the same day brought back a lot of memories and flashback of events that happened in those years of my life. It is always good to meet up with people whom you have known almost all your life. It is amazing enough just to think that these people have been part of my life for the past 13 years or so. In the past, everyday was filled with just school work and play. Oh, and sorting out this thing call friendship too... For example, 'I will pretend to be friends with Mary.' or 'I think i dun want to be friends with John.' Oh well... Then 2 days later, everyone's friends with everyone again. Amazing creatures we are when we were young. We can be so forgiving, or maybe that is being naive, but either way, life was less complicated as compared to now. Anyway, back to the gathering. Everyone knows that the food served at Marina South isn't that fantastic. However, I had a terrific time with my pals. There was endless chatter and reminiscene of the 6 years we spent in Poi Ching School. My limited vocabulary prevents me from describing the fantastic time and the enmorous amount of chemistry that we have. In short, great! I want to achieve a lot of things in life. I want to do a lot of things before I turn 30. It is scary to think that being 30 would just be a blink of an eye away. I mean, look at the rate time passes.. 10 years could come and go just like that.... I have great hopes for my future. And I hope that it will not disappoint me and I will not disappoint myself. ::Learn to play the piano:: ::Learn to play the guitar:: ::Have a stable income:: ::Be respected by many:: ::Lots of lesiure time:: ::Endless vacations to go:: ::Love myself more:: ::Love my family more:: ::Embrace my present life:: ::Eagerly anticipate my future::

No, I am not trying to be a show off here.. I am just putting the last entry as a for your information thingy. YOu can choose to ignore it or choose to read it.. Hee.. Anyway.. I am pretty worried now that I have gotten a place in the course. I have been thinking for the past few days about the consequences if I do not do as well as the JCs students in the same course. My pals have assured me that I will not 'lose' to them as the education in poly would have me be more versatile, flexible and market driven. Hopefully I won't let myself down. Well i guess that means working extremely hard for reasonable grades. At the same time, I would need to think about how I can study and find a part time tuition job or something to fund myself through school. All these stuff have weigh me down so much. I really hope that things would work out fine. This morning I met one of my secondary school mates at the bus interchange. She seems different now with her long hair. It is always nice to see someone familiar early in the morning... We spoke for about 2 minutes before departing.. I really hoped that we could have spent a longer period of time catching up. I am now wondering what she is doing since she had graduated from JC. Probably in NUS or something.. Another one of my pal asked me whether he should pursue his further studies based on his interest or based on the career prospects. Well.. Obviously I would pursue my dreams, because I believe that it is very important to enjoy what we do so as to do well in it. If we pursue what we think would be good for us but not something we enjoy, it would probably kill the joy in doing anything.. Well.. Either ways there are pros and cons i guess.. Just have to make sure that at the end of the day, we do not regret our decisions. I realise how much i missed being a younger child where I will not be bothered by issues in life. Well i guess life is much easier as I do not understand why those issue exist and why we should be bothered by it. Haiz... Well.. It is good to dream once in a while but we should never look back.. I will have to look forward and treasure all the time I have..

Nanyang Technological University Office of Admissions Level 2 Administrative Annexe 42 Nanyang Avenue Singapore 639815 11 May 2004 Lim Geok Choon 99 Lorong 9 Toa Payoh #99-99 Singapore 999999 Dear Miss Lim Congratulations! The University Admission Selection Committee has approved your application admission to Nanyang Technological University (NTU) to study a course in COMMUNICATION STUDIES This is a provisional offer made to you. The offer will be confirmed subject to satisfactory performance in your final semester results. Please proceed to accept this course at our website by 24 MAY 2004 and submit your final semester results to us. We wish you all the best and look forward to your enrolment into NTU Yours faithfully Prof Victor Choa Dean of Admmissions, NTU

Back once again.. The past weekend was both depressing and enjoyable. Depressing Was anxiously waiting for my results to be released via SMS. It finally came late on Friday afternoon when I least expected it to come... Oh well.. I was stunned for a moment, and my brain could not processed the information. I was like staring at some foreign and weird inscriptions. Haha... Well... The result was not too bad. But like what Kenny said, 'This result is the best that I can get, but definitely not up to your own standards.' Haha.. Actually he is right. I wasn't truly satisfied, but come to think about it, I should not be so greedy. Afterall, I know that I am not that good for the type of results I was hoping to get... Then when my pal I was with got her results, it was terrible too. She was also not satisfied with what she got. I was shocked at what she got too.. I mean, she does not deserve to get that kind of lousy grade. I felt very sad for her too, but I ain't very good at consoling people. Seems like she knows the reason why she got that kind of grade, but she seems reluntant to tell.. Haiz.. Enjoyable The rest of the weekend was enjoyable. Went to my pal's diploma show and was pretty impressed by the setup at the St. James Powerhouse. It looked so daliapliated from the outside, but the inside was all different, with the runway for the show, booths and stuff. Thought Huiz looked great in the POA jacket she bought. It looked so warm and cosy in the cold hall and it fitted her well. I think Huiz always knows what suits her best. haha... Afterwhich I went to places.. Place after place. Reached home only at 5am the next morning... Well, haven't done that for a long long while. Was enjoyable. I even tried cosmic bowling for the first time, and eating ice cream 3am in the morning at Swenson's. Some kind of experience ya... ***************************************************************************************** Well.. painfully waiting for my letter of acceptance from NTU. Went to their website to check out the Communications Studies cirriculum again. The more I look at it, the more tempted I am. I have even decided what to major in.. Haha.. But if I got in, I would have to think about the school fees... Haiz.. My life seems to have an endless supply of problems. Waiting and waiting... Boring passage ya.. Haiz.. What to do, I am sometimes a boring person... No time to write philosophical essays...

All right.. After so long of inactivity, I am back.... But this is not gonna be a long entry... Just jotting down some thoughts... It is amazing how I can be so depressed one moment and crazy the next. Last Saturday morning, I was feeling like crap. Like nothing in the world matters nor does anyone cared about me... Then after hanging out with my pals, I felt like I am the most fortunate and happiest person on Earth. Why is this so? Someone tell me please...