Gosh I cannot believe I am writing this again..
I am a true blue female. Fickle minded, fussy and sensitive. Too sensitive in fact.
Why do I always feel so left out in class? Well, sometimes. I feel that I cannot be the real me here in school. I led myself into thinking that I have more or less fitted into the school but I guess I am just fooling myself. Positive visualisation they call it, but I seriously doubt it has any positive impact on my negative soul.
Every morning I wake up, the first thing that come to my mind is how many things I sacrificed to attend Uni, how many other things that I could have done if not for uni and how many things I could have achieved if not for uni. It's a terrible feeling. I love studying and that's a fact that I cannot escape from. I have problems to deal with and that's a even bigger fact that I have to accept. Unfortunately, these two facts cannot live together harmoniously unless I work hard, in all aspects.
I hate to have that foreboding feeling every night before I sleep and once I open my eyes everyday. Such issues have been bothering me for so long. Yet till now I do not have a conclusion to things. Goodness. When will I sort out my thoughts? Honestly, I have to sort them out like now. Honeymoon period in school is over, honeymoon period in my life has long ended. It is time to face up to responsibilities and learn things the hard way.
I want to lose myself in my studies. I want to just study. Why must I bother about other stuff? Why is it that I can do that for so many years but now I have to realise that things aren't that simple anymore? It's a terrible feeling. Committments they call it. And I guess I hate it.
Would I be really better off working? Is this where I should be?
School and life is so trumatic for me that I can only seek comfort from close friends during the weekends. It's the weekend that gives me the motivation to fight my way through the week. It's during the weekend that I can forget all my worries and live like a care-free soul. It is during the weekend that I can lose myself in endless fun and laughter. Procastination. That's the word.
Procastinate anymore and I guess I will suffer tremendously.
But that's what I do best.
I need a plan. Now.
1 comment:
Plans are there to give that extra confidence in us.
Plans are there for us to fulfil and keep us on track
But,
plans can also limit us and kill us
And plans that fails will weaken us, demoralise us and disillusion us.
To plan or not to have a plan.
Do you think you really need to have a plan to get out of this part of your life?
Something that everyone will go through
but it's a matter of when and where.
Don't you worry.
For you have one of those best people around you to Give you the support you need
Give you the shoulders to cry on
Give you the inspirations to live on.
Live it! ;)
,kenny
ps:
i thot that before you sleep,
you're supposed to thank that you have lived past a day of your life with a purpose.
And when you wake up, you're supposed to be glad that you've lived past the night and is ready physically and mentally for the day's challenge?
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